


Second Verse

by Adaris



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Audio Journal Style, Hey guys it's identity crisis o'clock aboard the USS Urania, M/M, Nonstop Douglas Eiffel Character Study, Post-Finale, dialogue only, everyone goes back to earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 01:56:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19263646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adaris/pseuds/Adaris
Summary: Douglas Eiffel has a lot of time to think, and as always, he does his thinking best out loud.





	1. Audio Log of Communications Officer Douglas Eiffel, Part II

**Author's Note:**

> My parents forgot my birthday, quick, post sad Eiffel fanfic! Not edited, just yelled this into the void and hit post.

"Hera, are you there? Are you listening?

"No? Or are you just not saying anything?

"Okay. Well, here goes.

"I overheard Minkowski talking to Lovelace, and she said… she said that looking at me was like seeing a ghost, just… walking around like nothing was wrong.

"She didn't mean for me to hear, but I did. Comms officer. I got to keep all my procedural memories, basic information, whatever. So I can still do my job! It's just… if I think about it too hard, I forget what I'm doing, and it all goes away again.

"I'm not a ghost, I’m still—but at the same time, if a person is all of their memories, and I don't have any, then… I don't know.

"At least Hera knows a bit of what I'm trying to say. From what she's said, she just kind of sprang into existence fully formed. She didn't have any memories, but she did know how to speak, and what things were, and how to run a space station. Except she didn't have a past that got erased. And all these recordings of the person she was before, and people waiting for her to listen to them so she can learn who she's supposed to be.

"I hate listening to them. He's—he's not me, right? I would never just say Renée's name wrong because I didn't like her! I learned how to say it right easy enough, so why didn't he? I don’t like the way cigarettes smell, at all. I’m not—

"Every time they look at me they see _him_. They can't tell that even though the base code's the same, everything else is going to be different, and I just want them to understand that. But at the same time, I don't want to hurt them! I don't want—but _I keep doing it anyway_ , just like him. When I say something that he would say, or even worse, when I say something he wouldn't, they always look at me with the most heartbroken expressions.

"Except Daniel and Miranda. They're the only ones who look at me and see me, not _Officer Eiffel_. They don't mind if I'm me because they never really knew him. I might as well be the real thing.

"…All I know is that I can't wait to get off this ship. They said we're going to Earth. I know what that is, objectively, but there aren't any memories attached to it. I know there's trees, grass, rivers, oceans, cities, but I can't picture a single one. I know he lived somewhere, Boston, then Texas, in houses or apartments or wherever, I know he had friends and a family, I know he had hopes and regrets and so much more, but I can't remember any of them.

"It feels greedy, but… I want my own. I don't want to spend my life combing through the debris of his, trying to fit the pieces together like some kind of fucked-up paleoanthropologist. Apparently that's not a word he would have known. Apparently he never asked Hera to describe all the branches of science, or he did, but he didn't care enough to remember.

"But I'm done fitting my life into his box, no matter what they say. It's—it's not because I don't  care about them. They're the only people I know. And they seem to really like—me, us, him?

"I just wish that we could start over."

 

* * *

 

"I knew gravity existed. I knew that on the _Urania_ , there wasn't any, because it was in space.

"But seriously, knowing and experiencing are two totally different things. We've spent years in space, except for Miranda, so we're all kind of… super weak and just flopping around like sad peonies.

"When peonies flower, they're so heavy that they make the whole plant bend over. That seems like an oversight on the part of the plant. Maybe it's useful somehow? Isabel says it's probably because people bred the plants to have really beautiful flowers even if it's sort of bad for the plant.

"Either way, we have them in the garden now.

"Sorry, need to go back. I just dropped my coffee right on the floor. Forgot about gravity. It might be a rant I go on pretty frequently. 

"Yeah.

"I've stayed away from the recorder for awhile. It was his thing, you know? But we are kind of the same person, and I've missed hearing the tapes spin, clicking all of the little buttons. 

"I'm, uh, not a big fan of walking. I miss just being able to float anywhere I wanted, like, legs, what’s the big deal? And don't get me started on seeing the sun in the sky.

"Oh boy, the sky. Just seeing it was… like being in space, but so much brighter. Unlike the timeless void of space, it's always changing into something else. Like when there's rain! That’s one thing I can get used to.

"I'll always remember the first time it rained. It had been years for everyone else since they'd been in a storm, and it was the kind-of-first time for me and Miranda, and we were all so happy. Daniel laughed and smiled, and he was beautiful…

"Or, um, there was when Isabel took me to her favorite pizza place. We both got the same kind of pizza, sausage and broccoli, and it was the best thing I'd ever eaten. Space food is nasty, man. And I… I don't have many memories, but I know I'll remember that. Like visiting Renée's favorite stationery store. They have so many kinds of everything, especially pens, and she got so excited about a new color of acrylic ink they'd released. And there were a bunch of musicals that she said we all had to go see with her. So we're going to do that.

"And I love it.

"The one thing I don't love is how Hera can't be with us. She sends down little drones to follow us around, but most people kind of ignore her.

"And there's one other thing.

"I had a life on Earth, one that the other guy ran into the ground. How can I go back? I won't exist to them. They'll only see Officer Eiffel, expect me to be him, and I'll disappoint them. It might be best to let them think I'm gone. Bury the other guy for good.

"But how could I just leave them? I wasn't… the best. But I can be better than he was! I want to know who they are, I want to—whatever.

"So it's just sort of an endless chase inside my head, driving me crazy. Besides. Do they even want me back?"

 

* * *

 

"Earth's a big place. I'm… I'm scared that if we walk away, we'll never see each other again. There's just so much _space_.

"We'll all just drift away if we don't pay attention. Lose sight of each other and forget. I don’t want to forget again, that would… no. I couldn’t take it.

"The good news is that they let me run a show on the radio as my job. Which is real stupid, if you ask me. So much for starting over—"

"Hey, Douglas?"

"Oh, Ren. Uh, what's up?"

"Do you want to grab some bubble tea with me and Isabel? If you aren't busy."  
"Y-yeah, that would be great. I was just… doing stuff."

"We can go later, if you want."

"Nah, I’m done."

"Alright, good. Dominik said he wanted lychee, and he started something. He has a meeting in ten minutes, though, and can’t leave the house."

"Classic Dominik."

"Come on, let’s go. We’re the family delivery service now."

"Now you know how I feel."

"Aw, Hera, you just place the orders on Amazon. Like a giant Alexa wired into the whole house. We’ll bring you back some tea, though."

"Oh, what a joy to drink tea with my nonexistent hands and mouth, thank you so much."

"We’ll bring you back a remote controlled car?"

"Now you’re talking."

"Alright. See you soon, Hera."

"See you soon, Douglas." 

 

* * *

 

"I think the guy who got the worst end of this is him. Officer Doug Eiffel. Because… he’s gone.

"And they’ve mourned him, sure, but not really. They think he’s still here, somewhere in my head, and maybe a part of him is. But the old Doug Eiffel is gone. And he never—he never got a funeral or anything.

"Most people won’t ever find out.

"I mean, Isabel kind of gets it. But she’s still her, just an immortal alien clone. Don’t get me started on that angst, it’s a whole other basket of frogs.

"Anyway. This is me saying goodbye.

"Goodbye, Officer Eiffel. Great never knowing you.

"Yeah.

"It’s time to go."

 

* * *

 

This is the end of the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel.


	2. Epilogue

"I think it's because I've seen so few faces that all of them seem beautiful to me. I wish I could see Hera's face. I've asked her what she thinks she looks like, and it changes every time. But I think she would be beautiful.

"I think Isabel and Renée are beautiful. I even kind of like Miranda's robot eyes, because they're unique to her. 

"I… um… I also don't mind looking at Daniel's face. Maybe because he's the only other guy on the ship, and he looks so different from me. I don't see why he gets to have such amazing lips, or why his haircut gets to be cooler than mine. He's pretty withdrawn, compared to everyone else. Sometimes I see him in the observation deck, looking out the window, and I can't stop thinking about the way the starlight looks on his skin, like some kind of otherworldly glow—

"I wonder if I look like that. Probably not. 

"I feel like he's the only person who really knows I'm not the other guy. I'm the only Douglas Eiffel he's ever bothered to get to know. When he sees me, he's seeing who I really am, and I think I love that about h—"

"Daniel! Jesus, what the hell are you doing in my room?"

"Uh, snooping, duh. Do you have a lil crush on the big, bad demolitions ex—!"

"What do you think?"

"Holy shit. Where did you have time to learn that?"

"Daniel, if it's just between you and me, I have all the time in the world."


End file.
